The Fear

04 Apr

There is one feeling that far outweighs any other in early pregnancy and that is fear.
You don’t really think about it before pregnancy, everything is geared towards getting that positive result, yes you’re frightened that you’ll get a BFN (big fat negative) but once you’re actually pregnant, the fear is on a whole other level.

For the first few weeks every single twinge, pain or funny feeling sends waves of fear racing through your veins and the panic sets in. I have never been so frightened to go to the toilet through fear of what I mind find. I’m 5weeks 6 days today and I’ve calmed down slightly. I keep telling myself that there is no reason for this not to be a normal pregnancy and then count down the days until my first scan (11 days to go!).

I don’t actually feel any different. Any ‘symptoms’ I may have experienced could truly be in my mind or have another logical explanation. So far I have experienced a metallic taste in my mouth on a few occasions, doesn’t last long though. I have had uncontrollable and unexplained irritability and anger outbursts, a bad back, period type pains, insomnia, mild nausea and have found myself to be quite weepy. My boobs have grown a considerable amount and they are very sore. However, that, along with all the other symptoms could be down to the progesterone pessaries I’ve been using.

Call me crazy, but I am desperate for a bit of morning sickness just to make me feel pregnant and so I know everything is okay.

Tomorrow marks 6 weeks. Still early, but to me each week is a massive milestone!


Posted by on April 4, 2013 in Pregnancy


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5 responses to “The Fear

  1. mummysallygg

    April 5, 2013 at 08:32

    I remember those feelings so well. I thought it was because we’d taken an assisted conception route and that somehow it couldn’t work the same, but actually, I think it’s hormonal and the first signs of becoming a mummy and wanting, no, needing, to protect that little person. That fear never goes away…!
    Seriously, don’t wish for morning sickness-while it’s a good sign, it’s beyond hideous! Try and enjoy the moments. It’s a very special time!

  2. amy

    April 5, 2013 at 16:39

    same here, couldnt wait for some solid pregnancy discomfort, but im sure some definite signs will show up soon. glad you’re feeling good, looking forward to reading more of your good news in the coming weeks + months.

  3. gabywithoneb

    April 5, 2013 at 18:56

    I am 5 weeks today and i completely understand. I have this different kind of worry now, but i think its because our hearts are no longer 100% our own. You’re not alone in your journey :)

  4. Roxxroxx

    April 6, 2013 at 16:28

    Really happy for you two! We have been following each other for ages- what an exciting time. Looking forward to hearing about your scan!!

  5. Isa

    April 8, 2013 at 17:13

    Unfortunately for me it only got worse–and is worse in some ways now that the baby is here. What Gaby said is true! Still, I hope you’ll get some reassurance soon!


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